Posts like these are always hard to write.
What friends, colleagues and clients are going to think about me? Is it professional or appropriate? Are people going to cringe, laugh or walk away?
Why am I whining anyway?
Yes, it is back again. That empty feeling, tiredness and pain that you can’t explain. To the people around you and yourself.
What am I doing? I am supposed to feel great. I had FOUR weeks off from work and visited my dream place. Four weeks of doing nothing. I have a good life, healthy kids, a husband, a job that I love, yet I am unable to live all of this. I am just floating around, forcing myself to get up each morning after almost a sleepless night.
The last two weeks were really hard and there are things that happened that added salt to the wounds that I am trying to heal from.
It is getting overwhelming sometimes. You work hard, trying to make people happy and motivate them, then you feel horrible again and things start to pile up. No strength to move forward and the number of things I am supposed to do give me huge anxiety.
From tomorrow, I am back to work, school runs are around the corner, the house is a mess, projects unfinished.
You never know when depression and anxiety will kick in again. It often comes without warning when you feel great. One day you feel like everything is alright and the next morning you feel like you are buried under the pile of heavy stones.
To write about mental health issues is always challenging. Many people don’t like to hear about it, especially if they don’t know you like that. They don’t want you to be like that. They know you as a person with a great life because that is how we all present ourselves to them on social media. Because we are expected to be like that anyway.
It is not always like that really, is it? We all have our dark secrets. Many of us are insecure about something that others are admiring us for. Many times we feel awful for no reason.
What to do, is it ever going to go away?